I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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