Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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