At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
