i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
