You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
