Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
do herpes really smell.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
