i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
