I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
