I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
