You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Randomize
