so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
