We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
