Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
