Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
