dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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