You smell like a Billy Joel song
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
