can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
should my penis look like a turkey
Walk of Shame today included voting.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
