i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
