apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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