Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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