So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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