I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
