I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
