my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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