Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
