u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
