Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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