I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
