im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
