big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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