Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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