we have pet lesbian snakes
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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