Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
