Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
