I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
