Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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