I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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