so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
