i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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