I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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