If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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