I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
