we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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