Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
as a side note pls kill me
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
