I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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