did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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