OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
