I wish my penis had an off switch
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
