All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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