Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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