I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
